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Ticket to ride

By in Sports & Fitness Comments Off on Ticket to ride

Ha ha – you thought the blogging was all over for a while! I'm on a research ride from London to Paris and a tad bored so thought I'd share the boredom.

This started out as a ride for Rob and I (Bike Adventures' most senior management) plus John (our resident French speaker and annoyingly good cyclist for an old codger…..though clearly NOT management material as you will shortly see)

Rob dropped out before the start (terminal man flu) so John and I set out from the London Eye yesterday morning. Naturally I checked with John that he had a passport with him!

It was a miserable day. It rained and rained and when we arrived in Brighton we were both soaked through and shivering like crazy. To give you some idea just how cold I was – we left the pub we first tried because the coffee machine wasn't working. Yup, Steve was too cold for beer!!!

We eventually warmed up and got to the Newhaven ferry terminal where we changed into dry clothes and got ready for the short (ish) night crossing. Eventually it was time to board so we wheeled our bikes to the front of the queue, pushed in front of some cheese eaters (no, not Bob) and presented our passports. Well, to be exact, I presented my passport and John presented………..HIS WIFE'S.

So now you know why I am bored – nobody to talk to. A little tip for you – if you have cycled 70 miles in the wind and rain and must ride another 75 next day don't take a 4 hour night ferry crossing! I am very good at sleeping in moving things and I got about 2.5 hours….not enough.

Today the sun came out but the wind is still blowing a gale straight in my face so my 75 were hard work. But I made it to Beauvais from where this load of nonsense is being written.

I like to imagine the meeting at which the name of the hotel chain I am staying in was decided:

"Gentlemen, we have created a hotel that is very very cheap but strips every shred of glamour from travel. We have identified the smallest possible room configuration, the fewest possible amenities (none), and invented a special new cotton for the sheets that is both thin yet VERY scratchy. What shall we call this new marvel?"

"Erm, Cheap Shit Hotels are Us?" Said the intern.

"How about Easy Hotels, flippin it is you are or what innit? Said the Greek business coach.

"How about Premier Classe?" Said the guy who had already stuck an M3 badge on his BMW 316i.

Needless to say, M3 man won.

My hotel does absolutely nothing that it says on the tin! They even have a toothless old crone of a maid who uses her pass key to come in unannounced and stare at your cock.

Tomorrow, gay Paris. After seeing how the crone looked at my appendage I think gay is definitely the way forward.

I will go to sleep tonight wondering whether John also borrow his wife's underclothes and other personal items. Pillock!



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